In a relationship it is often difficult to realize you are in a toxic relationship. The signs can be clear as day for all those around you, yet you remain naive and oblivious. The first step is to recognize the toxicity of the relationship so you can get out ASAP.
So, what are the signs?
Often times a person will be-little their partner to make them feel as though they cannot find anyone better. This includes mental, physical and emotional abuse. A toxic person will resort to name calling and excessive yelling to break down their partner. This doesn’t mean a non-toxic person NEVER yells, it is just significantly less.
2. They Don’t Support You
In any type of relationship, support plays an important role. We often turn to our loved ones for advice and guidance when we need it. Supporting someone doesn’t always mean you are ‘backing them up’. It could simply be listening and offering helpful advice. It’s our job to guide those surrounding us in a better direction. We also want to feel understood and appreciated for what we do. Support does just that.
3. Flipping The Blame
This is huge. A toxic person is unable to accept blame for their wrong-doings. So much so that they will flip the blame back to you. A common example that happened with me involves cell phones. My ex was cheating on me and I caught on through his behavior and eventually seen their texts. Was he in the wrong? According to him, no. It was my fault. He was cheating and I was the terrible person because I had gone through his phone. He was sleeping with another woman but in his mind I caused him to cheat. In that entire relationship he never once accepted anything. He could have purposely lit the house on fire and somehow it would have been my fault because I didn’t put it out.
This goes along with the first sign. When someone puts their hands on you it is NOT OKAY. Many times they will apologize and swear it’ll never happen again. Abuse is often deemed “an accident”. They might also claim YOU are the reason they are abusive. Something to realize is it takes ONE hit in the right spot and you could be gone. Pushing and shoving still fall in to the category of abuse. An abusive person generally places a threat on their partner if they try to leave. It is easy to feel trapped, but it’s detrimental that you GET OUT.
Drugs and alcohol are obviously toxic to the person partaking in them, but they are also toxic to everyone surrounding them. Bouts of rage and extreme mood swings make then difficult to be around or deal with. They can become abusive in this state. Their poor judgement factors into to them not thinking properly. Someone addicted to drugs has to want to help themselves before any change will be made. Forcing it upon them hem often pushes them away and makes the entire situation much worse.
When you add all of them hem his together, you have a toxic bomb waiting to go off. Someone who can flip their mood in a split second, refuse to accept responsibility for their actions all while abusing their loved ones with no real remorse. It is important that you seek guidance from a closed friend or family member and get out. If they always to change, they will even if you leave. Upon leaving, if they don’t change then they were never going to change to begin with. It was a broken promise made out of desperation.
Have you been in a toxic relationship? What signs keyed you in?