I decided to sit down and write a letter to my ever so innocent four year old, Kaleb, “Stay You”.
You came into this world at 7 pounds 4 ounces without shedding a single tear. You had no fear of birth. The lights and coldness did not faze you one bit. Still to this day you show no fear. You show bravery in each and every day you tackle.
My pregnancy with you was surreal. Before I knew it, it was over. My belly grew each and every day, gaining a few stretch marks along the way. When morning sickness hit, I would plead to you to give mommy a break. I used to sing to you. When I was feeling down, I would place my hand on my belly and talk to you. I told you how loved you were. I would tell you silly stories of my life before you.
I remember the first time I held you. I could not believe it. I was a MOMMY. I did it. I survived child-birth and brought this beautiful blue-eyed boy along with me. All the hustle and bustle going on in that room, but my focus was on you. How perfect you were. You rarely cried and when you did it broke my heart into a million pieces.
You took your time with learning how to crawl. You were very particular in how you wanted to do it. Around 11 months, you started to pick up speed and by your first birthday you were unstoppable. I remember the day you stood by yourself for the first time. I had handed you your sippy cup and we were getting ready to go outside for a bit. I turned my back to gab something and turned around and there you were. STANDING!! I screeched in excitement and cheered you on.
You waited until Mother’s Day to take your first steps. I expected you to take off as I had seen every toddler do, but not you. One foot at a time, step by step, you walked. I was so proud of you for each step you took. Every time you would fall, you;d pick yourself up and smile while I gleamed with pride. I am your biggest fan. I hope you always remember that. I will pick you up every time you fall and push you forward to be your best.
You don’t meet a stranger. It scares me to death so I always keep you close. Every person you meet is your best friend. I tell you “Don’t talk to strangers” and your response is “Mommy, he is not a stranger. He is Steve, the pizza guy and he drives a blue truck!”
When you walk into a room in instantly lights up. Everyone’s gaze is on you. Your smile can make anyone smile. When someone is down, you have this way of cheering them up. How? You are only four. Your kindness and compassion cut through anyone’s bad day.
Kaleb, you are so smart. I can teach you things and you pick up on them so quickly. Your knowledge greatly exceeds any expectations I could ever have. There is nothing I have tried to teach you that you have not learned.
We butt heads at times, but I know it is because you are just like me. Hard headed, independent and strong-willed. Neither of us want to accept no as an answer. We would always rather do things our way and by ourselves. Who needs help? Not us.
You used to need my help. I treasure those memories. There are a handful of things you need my assistance doing and I will them for as long as I possibly can.
I never wished for you to grow up. Every second with you I wanted to last a lifetime. Time is an evil process that slowly takes you away from me it seems. Each day you need me less and less. I, however, will always need you.
You are and forever will be my baby. I know you don’t know it, but you saved me. At a time in my life where I just wanted to give up and let the darkness win, you were there. Just simply THERE. My reason for getting up every morning, striving to give you the best.
I hope you know how loved you are and how hard I have worked to give you everything you deserve. Everything I never had. Everything you need and so much more.
I don’t think I ever truly believed in love at first sight until you made me a momma. You are so perfect and such a blessing to everyone’s life you touch.
You question everything and while it drives me cray sometimes, I hope you never stop. Question everything in life. Find out the answers. Never accept no as an answer. Stay independent. Be strong-willed and push to be your best. Stay you, Kaleb. Don’t allow this world to change a single thing about you. I love you and every aspect of you. So, please, stay you.